Seriously Need a Break
I have been at this far too long to have never taken a break. I am starting to really resent all the demands on my time, even the perfectly legit ones. Somehow I'm no longer entitled to any "me" time, at all, none. My every waking moment is spent servicing and supporting my household. And it tears me up to feel that resentment towards the people I love most!
First Layoffs
I've been feeling so fortunate, to be so confidently gainfully employed during such global economic uncertainty. Perot [Govt Services] just let go six associates - out of 3300 that's not bad (unless you happen to be one of the six). I've been feeling "the itch" - the professional restlessness I ususally experience after a few years at any job: time to move on. This "reduction in staff" announcement has been a little reminder that I don't have it so bad.
The Circle Game
I absolutely LOVE that Phoebe's most favorite and most-requested lullaby is Joni Mitchell's Circle Game. I've been singing it to her for so long, that it doesn't sound right to my ear anymore when I hear Joni Mitchell's version! I changed it to be about a little girl when I started singing it for Phoebe, and now I sometimes can't get it right for Christopher, he gets a mixed girl/boy version. :)
But boy... the circle game is kicking my ASS lately. My daily grind is reasonably palatable, but it's still the daily grind. I need to train myself to be my own life coach, to be a better prioritizer, to be my own motivator, always trying to set a better example. I think my parents were better parents than their parents were, I want to be even better, and I want Phoebe to strive for even better! That's a tall order on all accounts.
Okay, off to try for a productive day at work. I'm fighting off a cold or something, and it's easier and more restful to go to work than it is to stay home w/JR & Christopher! What a nut job I married.
But boy... the circle game is kicking my ASS lately. My daily grind is reasonably palatable, but it's still the daily grind. I need to train myself to be my own life coach, to be a better prioritizer, to be my own motivator, always trying to set a better example. I think my parents were better parents than their parents were, I want to be even better, and I want Phoebe to strive for even better! That's a tall order on all accounts.
Okay, off to try for a productive day at work. I'm fighting off a cold or something, and it's easier and more restful to go to work than it is to stay home w/JR & Christopher! What a nut job I married.
The Gospel of Mary
I can't find it now, but yesterday I found a summary of the Gospel of Mary that enlightened me to the idea that there are tons of other historical gospel and/or gnostic writings that were not included in the Bible. For someone as comfortable as I am w/my own spiritual standing, I sure do spend a fair amount of time wondering about it... I'm not much interested in pursuing an advanced degree, but I'm toying with the idea of taking community college classes for the fun of it. I think I'd enjoy a woodworking class, some exploratory religious classes, maybe some psychology... that doesn't sound like a bad way to get some "me" time! :)
Mourning the End of an Era
Little Mister Christopher & I are on day three w/no boobs. While I am anxious to have my body to myself again, I do already miss spending that quiet intimate time with him. Plus there's nothing more convenient than whippin' out a boob - I hate having to make bottles, especially in the middle of the night.
Then I remind myself that our nursing had turned into a game for him - lets see how Mommy reacts when I bite this one! I wonder if it'll hurt when I smack the other one! Latch on. Let go. Latch on. Let go. So it wasn't really all that quiet intimacy I like to remember anymore anyway. :)
Then I remind myself that our nursing had turned into a game for him - lets see how Mommy reacts when I bite this one! I wonder if it'll hurt when I smack the other one! Latch on. Let go. Latch on. Let go. So it wasn't really all that quiet intimacy I like to remember anymore anyway. :)
Wholly Unproductive
There are several factors impacting my ability to be productive at work. I'm not sure which is the most influential factor, so I'm gonna have to tackle them all simultaneously. The first and most obvious is facebook - holy cow what an addiction! I'm feeling very close to all my "friends" (many of whom I would not even have remembered if not for facebook, so how close could they really be, right?). If self-discipline doesn't prevail soon, I may request intervention - like maybe suggest the IT Dept block the site! But I'll try less drastic measures first, like maybe set aside ten minutes twice a day to facebook.
Another factor is my mgmt. I was brought on by the "prior administration" who was familiar with my strenghts, he knew how to utilize my talents, and did so without much regard to office politics. When I spoke w/the current CDR about my being more helpful to her, she kinda said professional development wasn't her bailywick and din't offer much guidance. The current civilian manager won't do much for fear of stepping on union toes. And my PSGS management is absolutely 100% clueless regarding my day-to-day work, if my customers don't complain and keep awarding task order extensions, then PSGS considers my performance "distinguished"!
Another, less approachable factor, is federal bureaucracy. I have long been frustrated that the Navy can safely oversee the construction of nuclear-powered vessels, but can't manage to track its own commitments. C'mon! Even if I was a govt civilian, I wouldn't be able to push the change that needs to happen in that organization, and I ESPECIALLY can't do it as a contractor!
Ok, more later, I'm off the walk the doggy, good night! XOXO :) SMF
Another factor is my mgmt. I was brought on by the "prior administration" who was familiar with my strenghts, he knew how to utilize my talents, and did so without much regard to office politics. When I spoke w/the current CDR about my being more helpful to her, she kinda said professional development wasn't her bailywick and din't offer much guidance. The current civilian manager won't do much for fear of stepping on union toes. And my PSGS management is absolutely 100% clueless regarding my day-to-day work, if my customers don't complain and keep awarding task order extensions, then PSGS considers my performance "distinguished"!
Another, less approachable factor, is federal bureaucracy. I have long been frustrated that the Navy can safely oversee the construction of nuclear-powered vessels, but can't manage to track its own commitments. C'mon! Even if I was a govt civilian, I wouldn't be able to push the change that needs to happen in that organization, and I ESPECIALLY can't do it as a contractor!
Ok, more later, I'm off the walk the doggy, good night! XOXO :) SMF
President Obama
Well finally! I actually thought there'd be a woman in the White House before a black guy, but I couldn't be happier that it's the Obamas. I have yet to form much of a political opinion of him, this election has been, for me, more about race relations than anything else, and I'm tickled pink that we now have black President! I'm glad there's little girls running around the White House. I think Barack & Michelle are a fine marital example. Now we'll see how he does at the job... I'm hopeful.
An Epiphany
I went to sleep hungry last night (ignoring my munchies), and struggled to get to sleep. As my mind wandered, I had an epiphany! I'm a damn Process Improvement professional - and I need to apply my work skills to my personal life! I know how to optimize things, my life should not run as haphazardly as it does. I'll start w/a bona fide "Executive Planning Session" (EPS), from which other efforts will follow, like probably a real 5yr/10yr Plan, with goals and objectives, and hopefully even household process improvements, like schedules and rules and such, that can help our day-to-day goings on. Define. Measure. Analyze. Improve. Control. I'm going to DMAIC my life. Wish me luck.
After my epiphany, I got up at 2am and had a bowl of Honey Smacks, played again, then went back to bed and slept soundly until two snoozes after the alarm first went off. Phoebe had gone to bed early as promised, Christopher had slept through the night, so my day got off to a reasonable start. I even managed to get Phoebe onto the bus, which came early, despite having gotten her off to a 25min late start. I am Mom, hear me roar.
After my epiphany, I got up at 2am and had a bowl of Honey Smacks, played again, then went back to bed and slept soundly until two snoozes after the alarm first went off. Phoebe had gone to bed early as promised, Christopher had slept through the night, so my day got off to a reasonable start. I even managed to get Phoebe onto the bus, which came early, despite having gotten her off to a 25min late start. I am Mom, hear me roar.
I Still ❤️ VII Corps
My beef was always only with racist individuals and spineless enablers. I never held a grudge against the Army or VII Corps. In 2009 I established and still administer the now 1.6K member U.S. Army VII Corps Facebook Group.
Top Front Tooth!
There's a little corner of a top front tooth poking through! It's fun watching him play with it, after all the 'agony' it seems to have caused (based on the fuss factor). I'll try to get a pic before I put him to bed.
They're both sick, I stayed home. She went to bed voluntarily w/no bedtime chocolate milk at like 19:45 (normal bedtime is 20:30/21:00). My poor babies. Snot city. I have my eye on one of those battery powered nasal aspirators.
JR & I had a nice, close, communicative day. That's always nice.
Condotel
I thought I had come up w/something ingenious! Based on my pie-in-the-sky desire for a life of utter convenience, I day-dreamed of a condo w/all the conveniences of a hotel and more. I was thinking typical upscale hotel amenities, plus: super family-friendly, kid-focused, lotsa fun stuff to do; some kinda restaurant/full-service kitchen; maybe a resident nurse; a vet tech/groomer/boarder & doggy daycare; and of course upscale automotive tinkering facilities.
Well, they have condo/hotels all over the world, my idea wasn't so ingenious afterall. But they're all luxury, and resorty, I'm not into that. I want basic, reasonable surroundings... I just want them custom-tailored and spoon fed. Oh well. I suppose if I really want it, I'll just have to find a way to develop, sell, and build it! Hey, why not? It could happen. It could.
Well, they have condo/hotels all over the world, my idea wasn't so ingenious afterall. But they're all luxury, and resorty, I'm not into that. I want basic, reasonable surroundings... I just want them custom-tailored and spoon fed. Oh well. I suppose if I really want it, I'll just have to find a way to develop, sell, and build it! Hey, why not? It could happen. It could.
Seven Years
I've been w/Perot for seven years now - Wow! I sent a quick thank you to the guy who hired me, I enjoyed his brief response: "One of my smarter moves." :) Ken is one of three boss-types who have made a big difference in both my personal and professional life. 1st there was a client, Greg Johnson, USCG Captain of the USCGC Healy acquisition program. He sponsored regular "collaborative dynamics" sessions that had us teamworking like nobody's business! It was the best environment I've ever worked in. Plus Greg is a sweetheart! Then 2nd there's Ken. Ken Carrick. Soon after Ken hired me, JR & I hit a big trouble spot. I would arrive at work in total shambles. Ken would close his office door. Open the blinds (so everyone could see us). And let me talk for as long as I needed. He never offered any advice, and no criticism, just an ear. His compassion saved my job, and probably my marriage. And now I have a 3rd, my "Contracting Officer's Representative" (COR) Tommy Walker. His daughter is my age and in somewhat similar circumstances, so he comes to me for help advising her. He tolerates my habitual tardiness, knowing that it's my kids who are taking my time - an opportunity he wishes he had taken w/his own. I'm very fortunate. My favorite part of any job has always been the people. Oh yeah, of course it helps to be getting piad damn near six figures, but really, it's the people! :)
Best Love Letter Ever!
One1 thoer wuz a litl [pic of girl] name'd Phoebe She like't WALL-e (dvd). She oso love hur Mommy and she love hur daddy Love Phoebe [heart] i love u mommy and hur daddy. xoxoxoI'm told the two hearts at the top are ours, hers with a hole in it for me (like the card she received recently with the hole in the heart for how much Grandma misses Phoebe).
Heels & Hose
I pretty much gave up on high heels when I was pregnant w/Phoebe... then I gave up the pantyhose when I carried Christopher. Life here in HR is leading me more toward warm jeans and comfortable work shoes... I had almost forgotten that with just a skirt, some hose, and some nail polish, I can feel all girly and pretty! :)
It Flurried This Morning :)
We got our first little snowflakes this morning, unfortunately they stopped before we went out to wait for the school bus. It occurred to me as I bundled Phoebe up, that I ought to also bundle myself up. I typically wear a heavy coat, but don't bother w/hats and gloves and such. But it's so WINDY and COLD at work near the waterfront, I am determined to properly outfit myself for this winter. Even if it's just walks to/from the car, there's no need to freeze my buns off! I love, love, love my beautiful black wool swing coat (especially since I had a friend re-line it in BRIGHT pink!), but it's too wide-open to be warm - gotta get me a parka of sorts, and a hat that won't squish my hairdo, and some grippy gloves.
It's My Party & I'll Cry If I Want To...
Ok, I got distracted from my blog in favor of facebook for a while, but now that I have 100+ facebook friends, I find myself not wanting to share EVERYTHING with EVERYONE, so I am reclaiming my blog for myself! I think it's only my parents and sister who ever go here, maybe a random internet surfer. I've had a blog post brewing in my head for a while that I know I don't want to share w/the world called "I'm Tired!" and will be glad to get it out of my head and into words. Soon, maybe.
Brokety Broke
My annual salary is pushing six figures, but here I sit, at work, hungry, with no lunch and no lunch money. How pathetic. Almost forty, living just beyond my means, paycheck to paycheck, with no emergency reserves - as always... it's easily my greatest source of frustration and anxiety. The solution supposedly being within my grasp only adds to my frustration at not reaching it, rather than inspiring me to reach a little harder. I've done it all wrong - went crazy into debt, filed bankruptcy, withdrawn from my 401(k), borrowed from my 401(k), never managed any real savings... it's just an endless list of how to NOT manage personal finances.
Alternate Bailout Plan
I don't have a degree in anything, and know nothing about a lot of things. Therefore I feel qualified to submit the following alternate plan to congress and the people.
I’m against the $700 Billion bailout of Wall Street. Instead, I’m in favor of giving the $700,000,000,000.00 to America. To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bona fide U.S. citizens, aged 18 and over. Our population is about 300 million counting every man, woman and child. So, 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. Now, divide 200 million (18+ adults) into $700 billion - that equals $3,500,000.00 each!
Of course, it would not be tax free. So, let’s assume a tax rate of 30%. Everyone would pay $1,050,000.00 in taxes. That sends $210 billion right back to Uncle Sam! It also means that every adult 18+ has $2,450,000.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife would have $4,900,000.00!
What would you do with $2,450,000.00 to $4,900,000.00?
Pay off your mortgage... housing crisis solved.
Open five different savings accounts... banking crisis solved.
Buy a couple of new cars to create jobs... unemployment problem solved.
Tell banks to keep their money... liquidity problem solved.
Purchase the best health insurance policy available... healthcare problem solved.
Send your children to the best private schools... education problem solved.
Golly-Gee I'm sure I missed something here!
(My sister sent me this, not sure who the original author is.)
I’m against the $700 Billion bailout of Wall Street. Instead, I’m in favor of giving the $700,000,000,000.00 to America. To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bona fide U.S. citizens, aged 18 and over. Our population is about 300 million counting every man, woman and child. So, 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. Now, divide 200 million (18+ adults) into $700 billion - that equals $3,500,000.00 each!
Of course, it would not be tax free. So, let’s assume a tax rate of 30%. Everyone would pay $1,050,000.00 in taxes. That sends $210 billion right back to Uncle Sam! It also means that every adult 18+ has $2,450,000.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife would have $4,900,000.00!
What would you do with $2,450,000.00 to $4,900,000.00?
Pay off your mortgage... housing crisis solved.
Open five different savings accounts... banking crisis solved.
Buy a couple of new cars to create jobs... unemployment problem solved.
Tell banks to keep their money... liquidity problem solved.
Purchase the best health insurance policy available... healthcare problem solved.
Send your children to the best private schools... education problem solved.
Golly-Gee I'm sure I missed something here!
(My sister sent me this, not sure who the original author is.)
5th Birthday @ the Virginia Air & Space Center
WHO? The Birthday Girl - Phoebe, w/Mom & Dad & Baby Brother Christopher. Cute Cousin AJ & Aunt Banana! New KG best best friend Lily, w/Mom Ruth. New KG friend Robby, w/Mom Cheryl. Very sweet 2nd-grade neighborhood kids Matt & Abby, w/Mom Joy & Baby Brother Jackson. Neighborhood friend Ana, w/Mom Shelley. Preschool friends Alyssa & Maddy w/Maddy's Dad Paul. Preschool friend Sam, w/Dad. And OMG, preschool friend Dylan w/Mom Jenn & horrible Little Brother Ryan - never again!
WHAT? A very cool science demonstration. An awesome motion simulator ride.
WHY? To celebrate my munchkin's 5th birthday!
WHERE? VASC.org
WHEN? 10am to Noon, Sat Sep 20th 2008.
WHAT? A very cool science demonstration. An awesome motion simulator ride.
WHY? To celebrate my munchkin's 5th birthday!
WHERE? VASC.org
WHEN? 10am to Noon, Sat Sep 20th 2008.
Distracted by Facebook
What?! Only one blog entry for August, and none yet for September... you can tell I've been totally distracted by Facebook. Which is cool, I am very much enjoying being back in touch w/some of my old MDIHS friends. I'm likely to get back to blogging, now that some of the novelty has worn off w/facebook, and well because networking is different than blogging... I like both. Later! :)