[None of us have it.] But my friend at work, Larry, he does. I didn't know him before his cancer, so I don't know how's it's changed him, but he's kinda cool now, so he was probably even cooler before, right? So I just got off the phone w/Larry's wife (who works for an endodontist - root canal specialist) and was checking fb to see if she was on his fb page so I could 'friend' her (she's not) and got distracted by fb and wound up over here at Esquire.com, where I found Stephanie Lee's story, and these haunting words describing what happens when a scientist looks through the microscope at cancer, after having just viewed beautiful healthy cells:
"The cells will get longer and more crowded. Everything will become more chaotic." But he didn't even have to say it. The change was atmospheric as much as it was visible. A good neighborhood had given way to a bad one; a bucolic past had yielded to a dystopian future. A riot had gone on. The eggs of the epithelium had been stepped on, by pitiless boots; the bright colors of the smooth-muscle cells now swirled in toxic pools, the sheen of industrial aftermath. Stained indigo, the machinery at the very heart of the cells—the mitotic spindles that are the signature of cell division—were apparent, but they were also everywhere, like popcorn boxes after a matinee, part of the cellular debris, the litter of cells dividing so fast they die.
Established 27 June 2006, originally it was "My Little Contribution" [to the internet], and was mostly just for my mom. 💕 She's gone now, it's just me here with my random thoughts and interests and hopes and dreams, and for-real the struggles!
The Circle Game
I've been singing this song to Phoebe since before she was born. I love it for so many reasons, not the least of which is that my mother also sang it to me. It's so full of meaning and imagery. Phoebe's been asking me a lot lately to sing it, I'm so glad she doesn't seem to be tiring of hearing it, because I'm certainly not tiring of singing it. :) And gosh, jonimitchell.com says it's been re-recorded by 192 different artists! I love re-makes, so I'll be checking out some of the other versions. In my version, it's about a little girl instead of a little boy, and I've been singing it that way for so long that it actually sounds odd to me when I hear the original lyrics. I wonder what else others have done with it to make it their own.
Yesterday a child came out to wander
Caught a dragonfly inside a jar
Fearful when the sky was full of thunder
And tearful at the falling of a star
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game
Then the child moved ten times round the seasons
Skated over ten clear frozen streams
Words like, "When you're older", must appease him
And promises of someday make his dreams
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game
Sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now
Cartwheels turn to car wheels through the town
And they tell him, "Take your time. It won't be long now
'Til your drag your feet to slow the circles down"
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game
So the years spin by and now the boy is twenty
Though his dreams have lost some grandeur coming true
There'll be new dreams, maybe better dreams and plenty
Before the last revolving year is through
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return, we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and 'round and 'round
In the circle game
And go round and round and round in the circle game
Yesterday a child came out to wander
Caught a dragonfly inside a jar
Fearful when the sky was full of thunder
And tearful at the falling of a star
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game
Then the child moved ten times round the seasons
Skated over ten clear frozen streams
Words like, "When you're older", must appease him
And promises of someday make his dreams
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game
Sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now
Cartwheels turn to car wheels through the town
And they tell him, "Take your time. It won't be long now
'Til your drag your feet to slow the circles down"
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game
So the years spin by and now the boy is twenty
Though his dreams have lost some grandeur coming true
There'll be new dreams, maybe better dreams and plenty
Before the last revolving year is through
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return, we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and 'round and 'round
In the circle game
And go round and round and round in the circle game
More Ordinary
Last night's dreams were also more normal and less memorable, but the in the bits I do remember, my family and my work friends were at some big hotel/frat-house type place at some big, rambling, low-key party. My family was sober, but my colleagues were very tipsy, and I was trying to introduce JR to my dear friend Jerry Dudley, and I was irritated because JR was too busy chasing Christopher around and Jerry was too drunk to be polite.
Normal Dreams
Dreams were more normal, just lotsa motorcycling, mopeding, ATVing, and scootering around real fast. Also less vivid and less memorable.
Terminal Velocity
More crazy Chantix dreams in which JR and I go on a drug-buying in front of Phoebe, bj-giving in front of Mom, gun-shooting, week-long trespassing camping spree. Chris got shot in the chest by accident but was okay and I wasn't mad. Craziness!
Weird Chantix Dreams
Minh Thu's long lost mother, nb re-doing Fred & Ellens bathroom, and the wild baby animal spawning room, and the baby lion who ate three newborns including a zebra.
A Deep Path
A single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.
~Henry David Thoreau
Statue Stairs, Kyoto, Japan
Edna St. Vincent Millay's "The Suicide"
I'm just posting it to have it, I have a feeling I might decide I want to keep it.
from http://www.bartleby.com/131/3.html
Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892–1950). Renascence and Other Poems. 1917.
Remember to Eat
I often get so involved in my work that I don't think about eating lunch until I'm starving, which is usually well after the two nearby base eateries close at 2pm-ish. I actually set myself up a daily 1pm reminder that says "You'll feel better later if you eat now. Just sayin'." It would be even better (tastier, more affordable, and more convenient) if I would just get in the habit of packing a lunch. You'd think after 20+ years supporting NAVSEA that I'd have this figured out better. :/
My Version of an Apocalypse: The End of the World as We Know It Would Suit Me Just Fine
The older I get, the more ideas I am exposed to, the more information that has become so readily available on the internet, the more I think that some sort of 'the end of the world as we know it' would be good for us. I mean really, we're all hosed up! And we always have been. I'd like to see an end to the world that feels like a real miracle. We all - every single human being on Earth - we wake up one morning having all had a deep spiritual awakening. We all know how to make smart choices, we save our planet, we stop abusing ourselves, and one another, we lay down our arms, we feed the world, we explore the universe, we get smarter and smarter, we cure disease, we live in harmony. {More later, I'm getting off so Christopher can play Minecraft.}
Weekday Evening Fun
I didn't sleep well Sunday night, so was tired kinda all day yesterday. But then I had THE BEST evening w/the kids, and slept like a log last night! So after discovering Christopher's bedroom wall "mural" :), he asked me to go outside and play tennis with him, Phoebe and some neighborhood friends were already outside playing. Some of Phoebe's friends just adore Christopher, and are good at including him in their play (which warms my heart). We all ran around outside for over two hours, playing tag, racing, playing limbo, sword fighting (foam sword versus swim noodle), making human pyramid configurations, riding bikes and scooters, playing with the tennis rackets and ball, and throwing those leaf/seed helicopter things... all with no electronic devices, no whining, no bickering, and no injury. We didn't go inside until it was almost pitch dark, we were dirty, hungry, and exhausted. It was awesome. :)
Back to Blogging
My gosh... it's been so long. I keep meaning to get back to it, there's a bunch of posts brewing in my head, but I always get overcome by events. I have such a busy life. But here I am today, so welcome back, stay tuned for more.