Sunday, December 7, 2008

Can't Sleep, Might as Well Blog

If only I could block out JR's snoring without blocking out the kids. They might NEED me.

My current facebook status: "Stephanie hates the correlary relationship between holiday budget and holiday spirit!" Even better: the exponentially correlary relationship between BMI & Stress! OMG. JR borrowed my bathroom scale for maybe three weeks - and I put on ten pounds! Ugh. And who wants to start fixing that particular problem at this particular time of year. Sigh.

I had an utterly Rotten day. Short version: we're so broke, JR's skimping on his meds out of resentment for either needing to be on them, or resentment for not being able to afford to go see the specialist to get his Rx's renewed. Either way, he's being a Prick. I think his doc will see him if I explain that it's our budget keeping him from going, and that our specific medical spending account gets [effectively] repleneshed in January. But anyway, we bickered over basically nothing last night, it spilled into today. I was the one to start today's sarcasm. We cold-shouldered all day, then finally mildly outbursted before dinner, sending JR "out" suggesting leftovers for dinner. I didn't look hard enough so I let Phoebe eat bologna and strawberries for dinner. (JR came right back, he never goes anywhere, he'd just gone to get formula.) Later JR hears Phoebe whining that she's hungry (of course) and within 30secs he's served her up a plate of hot pork chops w/rice, making me feel like an idiot.

Then, a miraculous attitude adjustment from across the street. I come in from the garage having just just just played, and I DROP Phoebe on her ass. and her head. on the Kitchen floor! of all places! That THUD absolutely breaks my heart. She's fine. But in our rush to comfort her, Phoebe & I notice that JR's got a bloody gash/egg on his noggin. (Serves him right for stomping/slamming around so much.) But by soothing (and pretending to sooth) JR with Phoebe, and having had our attitudes recently adjusted, we all calm down.

Then the final heartbreaker, Phoebe tells me she's glad we're done fighting because it makes her heart wrinkle. I made my baby's heart wrinkle - I'm horrible. I have "told" JR how important it is for me that Phoebe not be subjected to our bickering, but he doesn't get it. What bothers me most is that he doesn't fight FAIR. at all. (I have a new friend whose blog mentions her experience in "the craft of argument" . . . "Craft"? That's gotta be interesting.)

Oh, I did put up my Christmas tree today. Well, by "up" I mean the [fake] tree is assembled. No lights. No decoration. Just "up." But I did have Phoebe's help, which made it fun despite my bahumbugedness. We "fluffed" and she sillied around. Single-mindedly entertaining the kids is a fun distraction for me when JR & I are huffing.

Okay... I feel better. I'm glad I made my blog invite-only. It's nice to be able to journal here. I do love facebook, but not for this.

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